Kelso's Choices

1st Graders at Murray and 3-4 kids at Red Hill are working on a unit on Kelso’s Choices.  Kelso is a pretty smart frog that teaches students the difference between big problems and small problems.  Big problems are those that are scary or recurring and should be shared with a grown-up they trust. Small problems are those that are more everyday problems that may cause you to feel irritated or annoyed.  Kelso encourages students to recognize they are smart enough and capable of handling many of these small problems on their own.  And then he shares 9 choices they have to do this.  I suggest that can try 2 of these before deciding they need to take it to a teacher (reminding them anything dangerous or uncomfortable should always go right to a grown up).

We'll discuss all nine choices and will be practicing them.  They are:

· Walk Away · Tell Them To Stop · Talk It Out · Make A Deal · Share and Take Turns

· Apologize · Wait and Cool Off · Go To Another Game · Ignore

Conflict Resolution

     Third graders at Murray have been working on a Conflict Resolution unit.  We started by talking about the importance of self control and making sure you are in control of your emotions first.  We studied the parts of our brain that react when we are angry.  If you want to be able to successfully think through a problem your wise owl needs to be on the nest (prefrontal cortex) and not your barking security dog (amygdale).

 Next we worked on I-messages as a way to respectfully start a conversation and then active listening to ensure both people get to speak and be heard.  We finished up with some practice in brainstorming.

Too Good For Drugs

4th graders at both schools have just started a unit called Too Good for Drugs (TGFD).  All schools are required to have some sort of Drug Education program.  TGFD is the program that ACPS has adopted for our 4th graders.  This unit covers both School Counseling (EP8, EP9, EP10, EP11) and Health (4.2, 4.3) SOLs for 4^th grade.
      The goals of this program are 1. to develop some safety skills that help them make smart choices in uncomfortable or tempting situations; and 2. to have some background on what a drug is and why they can be dangerous.

     This can be an uncomfortable topic for both parents and students (giggling not uncommon).  I try hard to make the lessons engaging and enjoyable without undermining the seriousness of the topic. Here is an outline of the lessons and some notes on my "spin" on them.  I invite you to contact me at ANY time if you are unclear or unsure about any of these lessons.

1. Goal setting (having goals and things that matter to you give you reasons to make good choices)
2. Goal boosters/busters (make good choices about who you choose to spend time with)
3. Decision-Making (plan your actions, evaluate your choices and problem-solve using the steps for responsible decision-making.  Students will also discuss when decisions should be made alone or with the help of a responsible adult)
4. Managing Emotions (recognizing and managing emotions with healthy strategies)
5. Effective Communication (skills for resolving conflict, sharing ideas, and working cooperatively)
6. Relationships (healthy and unhealthy friendships)
7. Peer Pressure (what it is - why is effective and then 6 strategies to stand up to it)
8. Effects of Alcohol
9. Effects of Tobacco
10. Safe use of Over the Counter Medicines & Prescriptions

Stop & Think

1-2 students at Red Hill and 2nd graders at Murray have been having some fun with Stop & Think!  They've been hanging out with Wagner the dog the last month or so.  Wagner finds himself in some tough spots when he doesn't stop & think about consequences.  They are teaching Wagner the Stop & Think song and next we'll play a game showing they can think ahead to what could happen. We'll continue to practice Stop & Think strategies with Wagner as we talk about handling frustration, problem-solving, and friendship.

CARES: Assertion

In October I am focusing on the CARES trait of Assertion. In Core Time we'll be discussing that Assertion is the ability to speak up for ourselves in a way that is honest and respectful.

We've been discussing situations where assertion is needed and practicing different ways to use it:

• You can give an opinion or say how you feel.
•  You can ask for what you want or need.
• You can disagree respectfully.
• You can offer your ideas and suggestions.
•   You can say no without feeling guilty.
•  You can speak up for someone else.

In 4-5 we also discussed the Passive and Aggressive responses.  We looked at some different scenarios and identified the responses and talked about why Assertiveness usually yields a better outcome.

Assertion is not always easy (for kids OR adults).  Sometimes we fear being assertive because we might not get the easy result we hope for.  If we're afraid of hearing no, we might think being passive on the sidelines or just aggressively demanding what we want might be easier.  The more we model assertion ourselves and encourage assertive responses when children are faced with decision-making the easier it becomes.

Since October is Bullying Prevention Month,m we'll also be tying our assertion skills to bullying prevention. The Olweus definition that we use in Albemarle county is that “Bullying is when someone says or does mean or hurtful things to someone else who has difficulty defending their self. It is repeated, intentional, and involves a power imbalance.”  We spend time looking at the difference between a conflict and bullying.  While both can be problems, the response may be very different.  For one, a conflict involves both students engaging in problem solving; while bullying is about consequences and safety.

In the younger grades, we’ll read the Band-Aid chicken about the one chicken that was brave enough to stand up and say that the pecking will stop with her.  Some classes will hear about the Bully Blockers Club  and some will hear Bully B.E.A.N.S. – both stories about a group of children that come together to speak up for all students (because everything is easier when you work with friends).  And older students have discussed my absolute favorite book on the planet – One.  When Red picks on blue and the other colors are afraid to help, 1 comes along and teaches them that it’s important to speak up for everyone (even Red) because sometimes it just takes One.

From a Butter Battle to a Sandwich Swap!

 So 3rd graders at Murray have been working on Conflict Resolution and Problem Solving through the 2nd and 3rd quarters. We started by looking at conflict and how it is human nature to disagree and conflict isn't always a bad thing.  We discussed the concept of "Agree to Disagree." We practiced I-statements as a way to start a disagreement conversation and then spent considerable time on listening to understand. "I hear you" doesn't always mean the same thing as "I understand you."

But the next phase of our unit took a detour I just had to share! I brought in the Butter Battle Book, by Dr. Seuss.  In the book the Yooks eat their bread butter side up and the Zooks eat their bread butter side down.  It leads to a war between the sides - a wall built  - and escalating tactics that get completely out of control. I shared with the kids that often a desire to WIN a conflict rather than SOLVE it causes it to escalate to a point where no one wins.We divided up into 2 teams - Yooks and Zooks.  I asked the kids to come together and see if they could create a treaty between the 2 nations so we could bring down the wall and live where everyone feels safe. I challenged them to think of something they need to understand about the other side and something you really need them to understand about your point of view.

Not only did they come up with an agreement where all buttered bread would be OK, but expanded it to putting them together and making sandwiches.  They decided that there should be an annual holiday to honor the treaty and it would be celebrated with Sandwich Day and all Yooks and Zooks would come together and share their favorite sandwiches with each other on that day.

This great idea made me think of one of my other favorite books: The Sandwich Swap, by  Queen Rania of Jordan Al Abdullah.  In this story 2 friends stare at each other's sandwiches thinking the other is gross until one finally has to share those feelings, leading to a conflict where the classmates choose sides.  They resolve it by trying each other's sandwiches and discovering something new they like.  The school celebrates with a sandwich day.  I brought the book in the next visit and we had a sandwich sharing conversation.  I asked them to each tell about their favorite sandwich and why it's their favorite.  I heard so many wonderful stories - not just about foods and flavors they like - but stories about learning to cook with mom or grandma, about grilled cheese sandwiches shared just with dad, about a sandwich discovered on an awesome family trip, and even family recipes that have been around for a long time!  The kids discovered new things about each other, new foods or combinations they want to try and tons of things they have in common or not.

If I wan't nervous about allergies and other food concerns,  I would love to have been able to create sandwich stations for the kids to share and try each other's favorites.  But even so, this was one of the richest conversations I have had all year.  These 8-year-olds helped remind me that sometimes the simplest things in life can be those that bring us together if we take one second to listen and be open, rather than jump to a quick judgement.  Although, I have to admit, I was pretty hungry when I left that room!